I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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