if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize