I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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