shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
soo... how was my night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize