Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
