It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
