I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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