Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
