Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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