Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
