im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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