So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
