the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I want a musical about memes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
