I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
