remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
