dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
