you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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