I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
mondays should just be called national damage control day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
