Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
