mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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