He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
