My first STD was from a foam party
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
