So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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