the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
