last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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