bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
