Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
