once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
