epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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