remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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