I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
