so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
