do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
