i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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