youre lurking in front of me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I currently don't understand fingers.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
