Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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