I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
