there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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