Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
