'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
