Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
