My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
