I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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