I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
