Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
