just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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