i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
