i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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