we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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