so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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