that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have post one night stand depression
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
