I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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