pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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