He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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