I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just pee around me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
