please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
