You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
