I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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