I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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