god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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