I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
