oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
