I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
