did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
