the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
